Monday, June 29, 2009
{ 6:12 AM }
i was right! i knew you would never leave me to die(: you're always looking after me. i heard what mum saidi felt so happy when . i guess people say that we should feel freaked out instead, but do you know how elated i was to hear things about you? like a guardian angel, you have never abandoned me but watched me in silence. you're the best thing that has ever happened in my life! best i promise. and nothing else that happen is comparable to your very pressence in my life. until now, i realise how important you are to me. it's a faith, a kind of believe that keeps me going. what i believed to be the best thing that happened in my life in the past were but phases. i've gotten over it and am trying hard to move on. but something in the past just keeps on haunting me. i guess i have forsaken my naive believe a few years back. now, i am different. but i still dont understand why even though i worked, i still dont see the labour. am i not skilfil enough? why are they so smart and i am so stupid? :(
you'll always be in my heart no matter where i go, no matter what i do. i love you grandma!
Thursday, June 04, 2009
{ 6:57 AM }
i feel that my life is so ridiculous. like having to be discrete when talking at home,working hard but not seeing the results, doing whatever i have did. i wonder sometimes if i am some kind of walking joke. i am you know. i really am. just look at me. dont you feel like laughing? ha. ha. ha. i feel that some people are just ridiculous. but i didnt realise until now that i am the ridiculous one here. i dont know what i can do to change things around. and i was so stupid to think that when i want it bad enough, i can change everything back.
if i were given a second chance..maybe things wouldnt be what it is now. maybe if everyone was given a second chance, i wont be here at all. living each day is like walking on glass. i am trying so hard to be strong. yet time and again, you have to break my defence. you just stabbed right into the centre of my heart. hahaas. i really love your pain. it grew the hate in me. my hatred for this world, for everything..hahaas.
dont worry, i wont let anything kill me yet. i havent seen the rainbow. and i still havent solve the mystery: what's at the end of the rainbow? i'll still try my best to be strong. this time i cant let anything pain me.
and i wont believe in what i thought could be right in the past. welcome to the world of reality, because from that instant, i have already left the dream.